bedtime

I remember it was after an early morning of getting up to chase dolphins.

After napping, we decided to stroll along Alona beach and just chill.

then somehow, when we were holding hands, when we were just sitting on the beach, on our flip flops, I had this strong feeling that I just wanna spend all my life with this guy.

he spoils me in his very own way, and I love it.

2019

Guess I did a bit better in 2018. 7 posts compared to 6 posts in 2017. Haha

You know how people keep on sharing about writing the year wrongly, the transition from 2018 to 2019? It didn't happen to me this year. 2019 and all the responsibilities just barged rudely into my life.

It's the beginning of the year, technically the fifth day but I'm so full of negative vibes. I know it is damn unhealthy but I just can't help it. My body and I are already feeling the stress. I have been getting up wayyyy earlier than my alarm clock. How on earth did whoever in the senior management team decide that it's okay for a person to have 10 extra non-teaching job to handle, and all these carry weight, not just some position where you just need a name to fill in the space, and how about the work that will eventually pop out again during events? It looks like the school only has 20 teachers, with the amount of workload I get, we are effing overstaffed okay? So why are they doing this to me? As if I don't have to teach. Of course I tried talking to the boss, and his million dollar answer: I can't brain now, just telegram me your job list, and that's it! No more news from him until today. I was so busy the past week, I couldn't actually find the time to see him face to face.

I'll definitely have to do something about it, or get depression, no joke. This was also the first time I  gave a serious thought about resigning, and it has nothing to do with my competency, or maybe it has. Who knows, maybe I'm so competent, everyone wants me to be in their unit that's why, HAHA just saying.

Anyway, yeahh, resolutions.

• I'm trying to be more in control of my own emotions, so I decided to start writing a diary again.
• Get back on track, I have a beach holiday to look forward to in June YAY.
• Cut down on online shopping!
• Cut down on junk food and emotional eating.
• Be more patient.
• Be a nice friend.

Happy 2019!

Helplessness

I think the most helpless part about a long distance relationship is definitely the wish-I-could-be-there moments, when they tell you about their suffering and you hear your heart breaking but that's practically all you can do.

 

You wish you could be there for them but you can only wish, and saying it out loud feels pointless because you just cannot be there.

but still, damn I wish I could be there for you.

get well soon, baby.

August thirty-first

Just wow. September is coming soon.
TIME SERIOUSLY FLIES, yea you probably saw that coming (that is, if anyone is still reading haha)

61st year of independence.
I used to feel extra patriotic and slightly excited during Merdeka day.
In secondary school we had so much fun waving flags and singing songs
Leaving secondary school somehow I could still feel the celebration vibes
This year it feels really different.
Whatever sort of holiday is just a holiday to me, and I am grateful because I get an extra day to laze around.
I know for many, the Independence Day this year feels extra good because it's our first Merdeka with the new government. For me, that joy has somehow faded, mainly because nothing has really changed for me in terms of my work and workload. We still have to deal with all the same things which burdened us so much. Of course, I know, changes take time.

But anyway, that was just in terms of my job. 0% GST has definitely been good, especially for an online shopping addict like me.

I am still proud to be a Malaysian and still glad that I was born in this land where we grow up in peace and amongst all yummy food. Haha. HAPPY MERDEKA!

August

This is scary. Time never waits for anyone huh.
Another school year is going to end real soon, and I still have no idea about what I want in life.

We were asked to choose between EPF or pension scheme, of course I chose EPF cz I still don't think I am able to teach till I am 60, but who knows. How do people know what they desire and actually work towards it. These days I forget what I want to do after 10 seconds.

Things change, people change, so much has changed.
I see it, I feel it, and the sense of helplessness makes me want to just block everything out and act normal. I guess we all do so, I guess that's what adulting is all about. Haha.

You know they say the happiest people are usually the saddest. I won't say I am THAT sad, but beneath all the crazy or mindless things I say and do, I sometimes hate that I think a lot.

Sometimes I wonder if I am the one who is holding on too much when we are all supposed to move on, but I also thought precious things like friendships are meant to stay strong.

I am getting really bad at voicing my thoughts, and this is bad.
Sigh. I have had better times.

Or maybe it's just PMS.

Happy birthday to my mummy <3 p="">
Question 1:
What does THAT refer to?

Hahaha, yea guess who is being silly again.
Till then, tata.