Helplessness

I think the most helpless part about a long distance relationship is definitely the wish-I-could-be-there moments, when they tell you about their suffering and you hear your heart breaking but that's practically all you can do.

 

You wish you could be there for them but you can only wish, and saying it out loud feels pointless because you just cannot be there.

but still, damn I wish I could be there for you.

get well soon, baby.

August thirty-first

Just wow. September is coming soon.
TIME SERIOUSLY FLIES, yea you probably saw that coming (that is, if anyone is still reading haha)

61st year of independence.
I used to feel extra patriotic and slightly excited during Merdeka day.
In secondary school we had so much fun waving flags and singing songs
Leaving secondary school somehow I could still feel the celebration vibes
This year it feels really different.
Whatever sort of holiday is just a holiday to me, and I am grateful because I get an extra day to laze around.
I know for many, the Independence Day this year feels extra good because it's our first Merdeka with the new government. For me, that joy has somehow faded, mainly because nothing has really changed for me in terms of my work and workload. We still have to deal with all the same things which burdened us so much. Of course, I know, changes take time.

But anyway, that was just in terms of my job. 0% GST has definitely been good, especially for an online shopping addict like me.

I am still proud to be a Malaysian and still glad that I was born in this land where we grow up in peace and amongst all yummy food. Haha. HAPPY MERDEKA!

August

This is scary. Time never waits for anyone huh.
Another school year is going to end real soon, and I still have no idea about what I want in life.

We were asked to choose between EPF or pension scheme, of course I chose EPF cz I still don't think I am able to teach till I am 60, but who knows. How do people know what they desire and actually work towards it. These days I forget what I want to do after 10 seconds.

Things change, people change, so much has changed.
I see it, I feel it, and the sense of helplessness makes me want to just block everything out and act normal. I guess we all do so, I guess that's what adulting is all about. Haha.

You know they say the happiest people are usually the saddest. I won't say I am THAT sad, but beneath all the crazy or mindless things I say and do, I sometimes hate that I think a lot.

Sometimes I wonder if I am the one who is holding on too much when we are all supposed to move on, but I also thought precious things like friendships are meant to stay strong.

I am getting really bad at voicing my thoughts, and this is bad.
Sigh. I have had better times.

Or maybe it's just PMS.

Happy birthday to my mummy <3 p="">
Question 1:
What does THAT refer to?

Hahaha, yea guess who is being silly again.
Till then, tata.

always collecting dust

Have you ever had so much going through your head but you just don't feel like talking about it to anyone? Yea that's me at the moment, and I thought that blogging about it will make me feel better, but as I come to this page, I just keep on staring at the page and I don't even know what is bugging me.

Expectation sucks.

Being around people sucks.

Most of the time when I'm in school I just wish everyone leaves me alone hahaha I think I have some serious problem. Anyway I'm just happy holiday is coming soon, but I cannot imagine bringing myself back to work after a month long break.

I'm also glad to have witnessed a change in the political situation in Malaysia, ha, and I can't wait to see how the education system is going to change. Oh wait, expectation sucks, hahaha. I'll just wait and see.

I HAD A DREAM

I had quite a weird dream one or two days ago. The thing with dreams is that you usually forget what they were no matter how hard you try not to forget, but this one came back to me after I have forgotten about it.

Some random fact, I remember reading about nightmares/bad dreams as a kid, that we should talk about the bad dreams to prevent them from happening, so I made it a point to tell people my bad dreams, and am still doing it today. 

Anyway the dream I want to share wasn't a bad one. It was just kinda bizzare. Firstly, I received a text from a good friend who fell apart. Apparently this friend is mad at me for not telling things. In the dream, it seemed he was ready to patch things up, but of course, when I woke up it was only just a dream.

I actually feel sad, I guess he feels so too. It does feel horrible, being left out when you are supposed to be real good friends. But to my own defense, I was at a point that I wanted minimal involvement of other people on that particular incident. I guessed I made my choice to settle things my way, and he made his choice to be unhappy. There were times I thought I should take initiative to try fix things, but I've got other shit to handle. Life has to go on and I am not ready to face a telling off or cold treatment. Am I not appreciating this friendship enough? I don't think so. But I guess sometimes we just have to accept that people will not always follow the way we hope they should. After all, it's my own life, and your own life.

 And then, in that same dream I was with my boyfriend, we bought tickets to go somewhere, I don't remember where. Suddenly, another two friends who no longer wish to be my friends appeared, and stole my tickets. HAHAHA I don't know what that means.



當一陣風吹來 風箏飛上天空
為了你而祈禱 而祝福 而感動

By the way, Mayday was awesome T.T

知足的快樂 叫我忍受心痛