Wednesday, January 31, 2018

some people

I don't know how does it feel to be someone who always thinks bad about other people.
I don't understand how can someone harbour so much negativity.

So I've been away from school for three days for a camp that I literally just sat and waited for food (the organizer invited speakers and camp master from outside, so all I had to do was bring the students there and be there in case the students needed anything. In the end all they ever asked from us was our phones for them to take selfie. Of course I said no, it's my phone hello.)

During my absence, there was this meeting for the sports day. One of the younger teachers personally approached the committee head and told him she has some skin problem and cannot stay under the sun for too long. Therefore, she wished to be assigned a different task. And guess what, this arsehole decided she was lying and mocked her in front of all teachers, saying that she would burn and things like that. And this of course sparked continuous waves of sarcastic comments from other arseholes and beaches. This group of idiots includes some of the laziest people in school, many who use their so called seniority and position to get away from workload, while this girl, like the rest of us young teachers just accepts whatever shitty tasks they throw to us and gets job done.

Besides, who in their right mind would curse herself just to escape job, I don't know. It's like saying your grandmother passed away so you can't go to school when clearly your grandmother is still alive. Then again, maybe those idiots will. She could have just produced a doctor letter and escape the sports duty totally, but she didn't. All she asked for was a change in task, and look what she got.

I just hope I won't become like them. Now I understand, just like common sense, empathy and compassion don't come by naturally, and that the world is full of idiots.

unrelated photo. I just needed a photo. haha

Saturday, January 20, 2018


Wow. My last post was in October.
So here comes my wrap up plus welcoming the new year post.

2017. wow.
I started to take diet seriously and I managed to slim down a lot, but consistency and perseverance are really crucial, I have been slacking so I am slowly gaining them back.

I travelled to Miri, Jogjakarta, Penang, Singapore and KL.

3 of my friends got married.

One of the very obvious changes I experienced is my previous housemates who came to this school together with me are both happily married now, and one even gave birth to a daughter in December. It's hard to believe in such a short span of time everything has changed.

Work was okay. I thank myself for making it through the year.

I fell out of love. Probably one of the most drastic decisions I have ever made. Nothing dramatic happened between us except I told him let's be friends. Too many things built up, my fault, his fault, and I got too tired one day.

Then I fell in love. The breakup almost drove me crazy, with all the guilt and pressure from so many parties. I fell sick, I haven't been that sick for long. But I am happy. I have never felt so in love before.

I let people down, my family, my friends. But why do I always have to live up to everyone's expectation. Why can't I just fuck up.

I learned not to tell everything. Life sucks. Work sucks. Does it mean that this year is gonna suck for me. FML bring it on.

有時你的自以為是帶來的殺傷力不是你可以想像的 我真的不愛說話了

Tuesday, October 24, 2017


Almost at the end of the academic year, workload is piling up, due to 

Whatever happened to all the I must be productive, I must be organized, I must be everything that I'm not now haha. 


Better luck next year, off to settle things I have yet to do T.T

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Anyone still reading?

Haha. So previously when I did the sayatme and sarahah thing, there were people asking me about this blog, it's quite nice to know someone still reads.

Then I started thinking, why would I run out of topics to blog about?
I do get it, my life is falling into a boring pattern, but there are so many little things in life worth recording, so why did I stop recording?

Then I think I found the answer, it must be because of Instagram story. Haha.

Sometimes I come across something really funny, and I thought I should blog about it. But at the same time I might have shared it on ig story, then after the story disappears 24 hours later, the thought of blogging disappears together with it, because 1. I've shared about it, I am lazy to do the same thing again, 2. I forgot what it was.

When I finally realized what was happening, I told myself I have to get back to this dusty space because it was something I really enjoyed doing, and I am not ready to let this blog die.


Monday, September 4, 2017


As Malaysians, we are blessed with a lot of holidays. 
I won't pretend that I do not feel happy when I get extra days off but I do agree with what people are talking about reducing productivity. 
I feel so reluctant to get back to school, to start everything all over again, to go through the same things over and over again, to see the same people and listen to them talk about the same things. 
Then I think of my students, I have to face them again! HELP!! 
they're probably feeling the same too, oh shit, have to face Cikgu Kho again. 
and I bet 120% they did not do the holiday work I myself or any other teacher of theirs assigned. 
I can already see myself getting mad in class tomorrow. 

anyway, how did I get here?

Oh, the holidays definitely slowed down the momentum, and I am as ready to face tomorrow as my students are ready to face SPM (which is NOT READY AT ALL). And also, knowing that holidays are coming up again, tell me how to gather myself together. T.T

I can do this. (while my heart and soul travels all around the world)